Sunday, July 18, 2010

Notes From Another Room

I have a fairly active but private life on Facebook.  It's where my writing skills take shape in one- or two-sentence spurts.  Tonight I went back to re-read some of my Facebook "Notes", a format which everyone seems to have abandoned.  Curious - it's not Superpoke! after all.  My last note was written in February 2010, a surprise in terms of time elapsed and a dramatically different climate from today's heat index of 104.  Not so surprising to me, though, in terms of how my social media use and general attitude changed dramatically less than a month later.  It's not that I suddenly had less to say or fewer people to whom to say it.  I think I had much more to share and a greater sense of urgency about it.  My status updates grew to paragraphs that had to be well-crafted in order to fit the space allowed as well as to communicate the message as immediately, carefully and truthfully as possible.

Some of the notes make little sense, especially if they refer to dreams.  Some just seem like they were written by a different person, someone who was trying too hard and saying too little.  Most were regurgitated chain letters or tiny but side-splitting conversations with my children.  I'm re-posting here, unedited, the four worthiest, which also happen to be among the most recent.  If nothing else, I'm documenting them in a more accessible place and casting them back out in the water for second nibbles.  Enjoy.

1. I've gotten less then 6 hours sleep each of the last 3 nights.

2. I thought yesterday was Thursday.

3. My new Swiffer WetJet picked up a lot of dirt left behind by the sponge mop.

4. My vinyl floor still looks filthy.

5. The vinyl is supposed to look like gray-veined marble. So, yeah. I can see that.

6. I can no longer shut off my sink sprayer without completely dis-/re-assembling it mid-spray.

7. Every time.

8. My kids think I call them 'Children of the Corn' because it's their favorite veggie.

9. Three specialty lightbulbs have blown in the last two days, each after a trip to the store to buy the previous blower's replacement.

10. I have not had to wear a belt to keep my pants up all week.
"Momma, did you spill tea in your cereal and eat it again?"

As if that's the most inexcusable thing I've ever eaten in her eyes. Not plain sugar by the multiple teacupful. Not homemade corn tortillas filled with Jell-O. Not whole jars of Nutella, buckets of cookie dough, bags of chocolate chips or M&M's by the pound. Not lemonade mix heaped on a spoon and drizzled with just enough water to make it slurp-worthy. Not Grand Finale's Death by Chocolate.

Not snails swimming in private garlic butter hot tubs. Not tangled and fried squid tentacles. Not Nova lox or the thick and salty 'real' stuff. Not venison medallions or their more portable cousin, deer stick. Not giant latkes from the East Cleveland Old World Festival, eaten right out of the hand and liberally slathered with sour cream and applesauce from communal squirt bottles. Not a first ravioli attempt with leftover turkey and raw garlic. Not sushi.

Loose, unbrewed tea accidentally spilled into my morning granola and eaten together so as not to be wasteful.

Repent, ye sinner.
1. When [my son] says that he already cleaned up the spilled soy milk, he means that he half-heartedly smeared a towel through a few drops on the floor. Not through the big puddle right in front of the fridge.

2. If someone has used the Christmas duets book for coloring practice by filling in all of the half-notes black, but only on the part that you play, this would be more correctly called 'sabotage' versus 'creativity.'

3. Heavy metal aglets on a hoodie seem really cool until you pull it off over your head.

4. When you make a mistake on a 200-stitch row, it will be found at stitch # 7.

5. It is possible to pull out poison ivy using a single dried leaf for protection.

6. When you hear someone expressing angst over their child's organizational skills and their ability to step back and let the child learn from mistakes, take a large measure of comfort from the fact that you are working on these same concerns while your child is in 4th grade rather than 7th.

7. Three slices of full-fat beef bologna and a teacup-full of vegan chocolate chips from Trader Joe's is neither a healthy snack nor a good idea if you plan to lie down immediately after consumption.

8. Accuracy and integrity are everything when it comes to database management, inventory control and accounting procedures. Convincing others of this same tenet is murder on your enamel.

9. explodingdog is the best comic website ever. EVER.

10. There is no good reason to make every list 10 items long, unless you suffer from late-onset OCD.


Laurie said...

Corn tortillas with jello? What flavor?

Ketchup on potato chips for me.

OpenBook said...

The only tolerable flavor of Jello, if one MUST eat it, is black cherry. Same with Kool-Aid, although I fondly remember Ghostbusters' Ectoplasm Green.

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